This post was going to be more of my travels to London back in July but unfortunately there is another poignant topic that I've been pondering over the last week.
Last Friday morning, I arrived at work and did my usual attempt to listen to the Japanese and try to pick up on important words to figure out what's been happening and will happen at school during morning meeting. Once again I heard the word for passed away a few times and got horribly confused. My supervisor had first period free, not technically free but it was her office time. Anyway, she's sitting there doing whatever it is she does as a home room teacher while I set to work on a worksheet/looking at game ideas online, when all of a sudden she says to me 'so....'. I'm wondering what's going on and she finishes the sentence, 'one of our students' mothers passed away in a fire yesterday and XZY sensei (teacher) lost his father in completely different circumstances'. Umm whoa! My reaction was one of not knowing what to think or where to go from there really. I chatted to her about the circumstances surrounding the death of the mother of one of our students because I had heard that there was a big fire near my house from a friend.
It turns out that she, a woman in her 40s with a family and a good life, got trapped in the house when fire engulfed 6 houses. She was the only person who lost their life. She leaves behind at least a Junior High School aged son.
The other death connected to my school was that of a teacher's parent, I presume he died of old age.
That made 3 deaths connected to my school in 2 weeks-ish which got me thinking a lot. 3 deaths, 3 completely different circumstances. 3 almost entirely unconnected people (from what I gather) aside from my base school as a connection. It made me wonder why death had struck us so hard lately and what lesson I had to learn from all of this madness, because it honestly felt like madness.
I spent the weekend by and large in my apartment watching Sailor Moon, which I have now finished and am not ashamed to say that I love, and thinking about this whole idea of death again.
I sat and looked around my room, at my Toshiba Regza flatscreen TV, at my clothes, at my shoes (Lord help me!), at my crane machine catches, at my books, at my STUFF. I have TOO much STUFF! It is all crap and if I died tomorrow I wouldn't miss it. I mean I like a lot of it, I despise some of it (most of that stuff is slowly getting given away as prizes to my students as of this week) but I don't require it. It is not essential to my existance to have a Hello Kitty handbag or a map of Japan in 2 languages. None of this actually matters. But then I had to ask myself what does matter?
What does matter? Those of you who've known me long enough know that in my 2nd year of university working at a hospice made me ask that question as well. What actually matters? What of all the things on this planet actually matters? That question changed my life before and I think the string of deaths lately has had an impact there again. Even if it is only to remind me of that question and of how materialistic living in a materialistic society is making me, it is having an impact.
The loss of 3 people connected to me through my base school has jogged something in my memory, in my soul even. What matters? What matters to me is the people around me who I care about and who care about me. What matters is the world that I live in, the people and animals in this community that deserve a world where their rights are protected. What matters to me is how I live my life and how I serve others.
I've been so selfish lately. My move to Japan was me me me, all about how I could satisfy myself and my love of Japan, how I could improve my Japanese and get a 'better' job when I go home. It wasn't for entirely selfish reasons that I came here but a large chunk of those reasons were. The recent spell of deaths related to my school reminded me of that.
I've had to think about how I serve my community best. How I support my friends here and back home. How I live my life in a way that would make my family and friends proud of me. How I live my life in a way that will make myself proud.
I spent a lot of time this weekend, in between the start of an annoying cold and Takaoka's 400th Anniversery Celebrations, thinking about this idea of "what if I died tomorrow?". I came up with quite a few blanks actually. The people that I haven't been in touch with in ages. The things I haven't thought about for a while. The things I wish I hadn't said and the things I wish I had said. The things I am yet to do and the places I am yet to go. There's so much to this idea of 'being finished' and stuff that I don't know if I'll ever be ready to die, so it's a darn good thing that I don't have cancer (touch wood!) because I wouldn't know where to start.
So!..... I shall start with this anyway, just in case, because unfortunately, as shown in the past few weeks for me, you just never know when your number or someone else's number is going to be up.
If you're my family reading this, I love you! xxxxxxxxooooooooooxxxxxxxxx
If you're my friend and I haven't told you how much I care about you and love you lately, take it as read that I do care about you and do love you because I just said it! I love you all!
If you are my acquaintance and I haven't told you that I care about you then take it as read that I do.
If I don't know you at all and you are reading my blog, nice to meet you and thanks for reading it, sorry it's a bit boring.
And that's me done for today. Off to see my host family in a different prefecture to tell them that I love them this weekend, because you just never know.
I'm going to borrow something from a dear and trusted friend now (thanks bro).
Rae Recommends: Telling the people around you that you care, because you just never know.
**Raewyn**
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